My knees feel weak,my stomach feels as though it's in three knots,and there's a lump in my throat that is getting bigger by the minute!Here it comes now,tears begin to fall like rain continuously and I cannot seem to stop them!An unwelcome guest has arrived once again without invitation,without warning.His name is Mr.Pain,his acquaintance,Ms.Loss.I thought the last time he visited with her along that it would be a long time before I'd see him or her again.Actually it had been a little over 10 years since the two of them showed up,and since then I told myself over again,"I'll be ready next time!"As I watched the two of them visit friends,coworkers,and acquaintances over the years I would slide back as if into a dark shadow thinking "surely they can't see me."But nevertheless Mr.Pain visited,yet only briefly through the years and with others,but none as unwelcome as Ms.Loss.As they stood in my doorway,I felt like digging a hole and never coming up again.As they both towered over me looking,Ms.Loss sneering,I wondered when they would leave.As the news of my father's death ran in currents through my mind penetrating my very soul throughout the night I could hear Ms. Loss say "my work is done,the poison of my sting has set in,I have others to visit,I cannot stay,I must go."As she left I was sure Mr.Pain would too,that's how it was the last time anyway....When I wakened the next day, he greeted me with a sharp pain in my chest,lump in my throat,and the tears oh the tears again!
I sat up on the end of my bed and asked why he stayed the night,he gave no answer.I clutched my pillow and cried out to my Father "oh why have you allowed such visitors to come into my home this day?" As the sobs quieted,I heard a still small voice say "before you knew what was going on,I was,and before you heard the news you were praising me,at the very hour your father took his last breath,I was receiving your praise,am I not the same God today as I was yesterday?Am I not the same God you were lifting up at the very moment your father left this earth?Then what is the difference?" As I pondered these words in my my mind I was comforted in knowing that my God knew the day,month,and time my father would leave this earth it didn't take him by surprise,nor startle him a bit and he knew that I could not deal with my unwelcome guests had he not sent the Comforter!So as I sat with Mr.Pain I began to understand my God's comforting power,peace,and strength in a way I'd never known realizing what He meant when He said "come to me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest."Pain was a house guest of mine for five months,very quiet,very still,but very present.Then in October of 2003 my Lord said it was time for Mr.Pain to go,and without a fight he left.Joy revisited me,and so did my friend restoration I was so glad to see them!
Those were the hardest five months of my life.I wasn't always a good host to my house guest.I cried,shouted,and lashed out at those I loved.I wasn't quoting scripture and saying I was "blessed and highly favored".Sometime I would see a glimpse of my father and see it was only Pain looking at me.But when he'd show the Comforter was right there too and it's because of him I did not lose my mind.I've come to respect Mr.Pain,he has a hard job to do,but that's all it is- a job and like all jobs,pain ends too.He doesn't stay forever though some would try and make him,matter of fact I think he's glad to leave,and grieved to stay.
The truth stands;I am minus a father in this world,and will forever miss and love him dearly.But I thank my heavenly Father for bringing me through,leaving me no guilt nor condemnation,allowing the time I did have with my Dad and having no regrets.So I will say to Mr. Pain "see you later,but not too soon!" Cuz I know you will come again,uninvited,but present even still,and to my heavenly Father, I say I know you will be there when he comes, quiet yet oh so present,and I look forward to the day where me and Mr.Pain will part ways forever-for eternity.There are many different names given for pain,but no matter what the name,or degree, it doesn't last forever,and although uninvited,unwelcome,and sometime unannounced,nothing takes God by surprise.If you find yourself in it,go through it but go through it with God!
I sat up on the end of my bed and asked why he stayed the night,he gave no answer.I clutched my pillow and cried out to my Father "oh why have you allowed such visitors to come into my home this day?" As the sobs quieted,I heard a still small voice say "before you knew what was going on,I was,and before you heard the news you were praising me,at the very hour your father took his last breath,I was receiving your praise,am I not the same God today as I was yesterday?Am I not the same God you were lifting up at the very moment your father left this earth?Then what is the difference?" As I pondered these words in my my mind I was comforted in knowing that my God knew the day,month,and time my father would leave this earth it didn't take him by surprise,nor startle him a bit and he knew that I could not deal with my unwelcome guests had he not sent the Comforter!So as I sat with Mr.Pain I began to understand my God's comforting power,peace,and strength in a way I'd never known realizing what He meant when He said "come to me all who are heavy laden and I will give you rest."Pain was a house guest of mine for five months,very quiet,very still,but very present.Then in October of 2003 my Lord said it was time for Mr.Pain to go,and without a fight he left.Joy revisited me,and so did my friend restoration I was so glad to see them!
Those were the hardest five months of my life.I wasn't always a good host to my house guest.I cried,shouted,and lashed out at those I loved.I wasn't quoting scripture and saying I was "blessed and highly favored".Sometime I would see a glimpse of my father and see it was only Pain looking at me.But when he'd show the Comforter was right there too and it's because of him I did not lose my mind.I've come to respect Mr.Pain,he has a hard job to do,but that's all it is- a job and like all jobs,pain ends too.He doesn't stay forever though some would try and make him,matter of fact I think he's glad to leave,and grieved to stay.
The truth stands;I am minus a father in this world,and will forever miss and love him dearly.But I thank my heavenly Father for bringing me through,leaving me no guilt nor condemnation,allowing the time I did have with my Dad and having no regrets.So I will say to Mr. Pain "see you later,but not too soon!" Cuz I know you will come again,uninvited,but present even still,and to my heavenly Father, I say I know you will be there when he comes, quiet yet oh so present,and I look forward to the day where me and Mr.Pain will part ways forever-for eternity.There are many different names given for pain,but no matter what the name,or degree, it doesn't last forever,and although uninvited,unwelcome,and sometime unannounced,nothing takes God by surprise.If you find yourself in it,go through it but go through it with God!
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